love, for the day is near

I got a job, I got a job, I got a job hey hey hey

2009-06-25T12:51:00.004-04:00

So as it turns out, when He said He would never, ever give me more than I can handle-He wasn't lying.
I'm giddy. And I don't feel so bad for sitting on my bed looking at fashion/other photographers' websites and Swedish hipster blogs while waiting for my face to resemble a bit less of a bulldog's face and look more like mine again.

AND there was a hailstorm while I was safe inside home alone in my wonderful yellow sunshine room.
what a fantastic day.

======

Tim Walker makes me want to be a photographer. I think I'll have to do that after craft school.

stressy stressy stress stress.

2009-06-01T20:26:00.002-04:00

however,
in every thing
place
moment
feeling
emotion
situation:

blessed be the name of the LORD.

Also, the world, the place that I live and the people that I see and touch and listen to are filled with the most beautiful colors and textures and sounds. I can't even tell you.

2009-05-19T07:47:00.001-04:00

Time is moving very, very fast.

....I am a little bit worried.

2009-05-09T13:59:00.003-04:00

sun sun sun sun sunny sun sun!

And it's probably a good thing I decided not to accept my offer and go to school for photography, because lately I just really like things that are crooked, grainy and out of focus.

also, castles

and it's warm outside.

2009-04-18T17:06:00.002-04:00

I'm right now in the midst of giving my room a much-needed thorough cleaning and thinking a great deal on my attachment to things of this earth. I'm taking a break on account of the exhausting task of tackling my closet.
I am the type of person who saves a strip of paper because it contains the smell of a place that I haven't been back to. I'm also the type of person to save the wrapper from the chocolate kiss that the boy who I liked when I was 13 handed to me on valentine's day (incidentally, the boy I liked on valentine's day when I was 13 is the same person as the boy I like now.)

3 garbage bags full of the last 6 years, thus far, but I think getting rid of the sticker books was the right thing to do.

2009-03-27T13:43:00.002-04:00

a reminder (click click)

2009-03-14T15:36:00.001-04:00

sleep in till eleven, bask in the sun with a book till 2. never really got going and it's already three-thirty. off to watch a movie I've already seen with two delightful people.

saturdays are so grand.

hoky bedokie

2009-02-26T18:23:00.001-05:00

That, my friends, is an elephant in the womb. Wow.

2009-02-21T16:11:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm not quite sure how much of an accomplishment it is to get into school for crafts, but I'm not mad.

2009-02-12T18:48:00.003-05:00

riding on the bus when it's raining outside, you're listening to the perfect song for the weather, and you've got someone to love. it's getting warm outside.

P.S. The perfect song for the weather is Girl Inform Me, by The Shins.

2009-02-10T22:19:00.001-05:00

when did it become something that I just say out loud?

yep, so life is still beautiful enough to take your breath away.

2009-01-22T22:09:00.004-05:00

2009-01-20T00:05:00.001-05:00

someone wonderful showed me this video. I recommend.

2009-01-05T19:34:00.003-05:00

there are certain spaces in my life that make me overjoyed, especially when they are clean and there is cold air in them.

2009-01-02T22:33:00.002-05:00

it's shiny new year! it's not going to stay new, but it's sure going to stay shiny.

happy shiny new year, all you beautiful, wonderful people. it's gonna be a good one.

driving home last night i thought: the cities in the distance are diamonds. the sparkling jewelery of the horizon; at night, everything glows.
everything reduced to a burst of light, and people living under them. that's the way i like it.

in other news, i just applied to school and i don't feel grown up.

2008-11-26T21:53:00.002-05:00

today I went to an antique store. it smelled like nostalgia and dusty wood.

2008-11-24T15:29:00.001-05:00

community sends shivers down my spine.

2008-11-17T21:58:00.002-05:00

yes, the sky is very big,

winter evening, you're the prettiest.

I like it when the librarian heckles me for reading Douglas Coupland because she "doesn't understand what on earth he's writing about!"
I like it when you smile.
the clouds tonight were excellent, I hope you saw them too.

goodnight,
winter evening, you're the prettiest.

click.

2008-11-10T21:04:00.002-05:00

optic nerve

2008-11-10T20:54:00.004-05:00

whenever I go to an office supply store, I suddenly am struck with the urgent need for post-it notes. or highlighters. or whiteout. it is like I had previously forgotten all the things I needed.
thank you, staples, for reminding me of the necessity of buying a day planner.
~~~
This morning it snowed. I listened to christmas music and it felt right.

the colours! the colours! they are so exciting!

2008-11-05T18:42:00.002-05:00

2008-11-05T13:18:00.001-05:00

You don't know Barack Obama personally. You really don't.

2008-10-30T22:10:00.001-04:00

I really miss my dog. Just throwing that out there.

2008-10-28T22:16:00.003-04:00

I like the sound of coming home. It is cold outside and it is warm inside the door. My lungs hurt from breathing ice. Kicking off shoes and dropping heavy bags. I'll make myself a sandwich and listen to the answering machine beep. When I press the button, there are 5 more books waiting at the library for me.

Toasted sandwiches with mozzarella instead of chedder.

The phone rings and the man on the other end asks me if I have debt problems. Yes, I have debt problems. I do not say what other people deserve to hear, or give the love that other people need from me. I want to tell the man this and tell him I am sorry, I should be showing him love, but he is only a recorded message.

drifting
drifting
drifting

It's funny, the minutes takes forever, but the months and years aren't so long.

a story.

2008-10-22T20:47:00.000-04:00

“Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?”

Robert stopped. Did that just happen? Did she just speak to him? No, she couldn’t have. His ears were lying to him, his brain sending signals that did not exist. This happened often. Robert often imagined things that weren’t real. This, he decided, was not real. He settled down into his seat, that rough hard carpet that makes up train seats and continued staring out the window. He was disappointed, yes, but satisfied with himself. He had successfully determined reality from his imagination.

“Sorry, did you hear me? Could I sit here, please?”

Robert jerked his head back. His eyes tried to focus. This was really happening.

Every day he sat on his train; an endless commute to nowhere. Did it really matter where he went every day? No, it didn’t. Every day he rode this train and every day the feeling grew stronger that he didn’t belong anywhere at all. Why else would someone take a train everyday to a place they didn’t live? Robert lived alone, if you could really call it living. When he entered his apartment each night, he thought he might be in the wrong place. Who’s to say? When he came home there was no one to say “Hello Robert, I’m glad you exist, don’t forget that you belong here. Don’t ever forget that.” Because of this, Robert often forgot.

“Oh! Yeah, I mean, there’s no one sitting there. Here. You can sit there, please.”

Robert tasted the words on his tongue. He realized that those were the first words he had spoken that morning. The realization killed him inside, it really did.

Every day she saw him. Sometimes she though that he was watching her, other days, she was pretty sure. This may seem odd to you, but she didn’t really mind. Sitting on this train every day killed her, it really did. Everywhere else, she existed, lived and was so terribly alive, but not on this train. It was as if people were only aware of the fact
that bodies occupied space on a train seat. The fact that hearts pumped and blood flowed and mouths salivated and expressions changed meant nothing to them. She couldn’t stand it. Some days on that train she felt like standing up on her seat holding a bright red flag. She would wave her flag and scream “I EXIST AS MORE THAN A BODY! APPRECIATE MY EXISTANCE! LOOK! I HAVE BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH ME AND MY HEART HAS BEEN BEATING SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN!” She felt like grabbing people’s hands, just to feel another human, just to feel the warmth and to imagine their veins flowing with blood. She though about this often; about how exactly she would stand on her chair without bumping her head on the ceiling. She went though the motions in her mind, over and over and over. She though it was beautiful that he could watch her, simply to appreciate her existence as a human being. Some days, she didn’t even care if he was a creep or a pervert; though she couldn’t help believing that he wasn’t.

When he looked at her, caught her eyes and then averted them with embarrassment, she didn’t feel like she needed to scream. This is why, when he watched her, she didn’t really mind.

“It’s cold outside, isn’t it?”

Robert thought for a moment. Yes, it was cold, he decided. That morning he’d woken up in his bed with the covers thrown onto the floor. He had lain on his bed and shivered. He’d woken from a dream he couldn’t remember, and this always fascinated him. A regular, conscious man like Robert would not violently throw his blankets at the floor. But somewhere in the night, somewhere in his brain there was a dream that provoked him to move. He imagined that he could become a dangerous criminal in his
dreams. Robert didn’t want to be violent, or a criminal, but it did fascinate him.

He realized he hadn’t said anything. If he spoke now, it might be awkward. But this silence? He couldn’t take it, he really couldn’t.

“Yes, it’s cold. It really is very cold. I can see my breath.” He blew into the air.

She smiled.

She liked it, sitting there beside him. She liked that he was wearing a coat that crinkled in the most comforting way. She felt like she existed, there beside him. It is a strange feeling, being acutely aware of your own existence. It is a good feeling, though. She liked it. She couldn’t explain it.

Robert felt like he was going somewhere.

She brushed his arm; it was an accident, though you might assume it wasn’t.

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

Why do we need to apologize for existing in the same place?

“Oh, that’s alright.”

Neither of them was sorry. They really weren’t.

2008-10-16T20:28:00.003-04:00

If you're having a really bad day and you think that coming home and making yourself a big bowl of steaming, fattening, non-nutritious but delicious macaroni and cheese with ketchup will make you feel better,
don't do it.
you will only feel worse.

2008-10-14T22:12:00.003-04:00

lately I've been feeling pretty yellow.

2008-10-07T22:20:00.000-04:00

aghhhh, flashing lights to give you seizures. now, why would you do that?

2008-10-06T20:52:00.001-04:00

When I'm old, I'm going to miss being young and idealistic.

2008-10-03T15:58:00.003-04:00

there are big ships and little ships, but the best ship of all is friendship.

2008-09-29T22:28:00.001-04:00

paper jams in the printer sound like monsters. there's a window that opens on the screen and tells me "the cover is open." thank you, i just opened it. stop chewing my paper.

2008-09-29T22:09:00.003-04:00

Summer turned into fall really fast. I realized that today as I finally cleaned up my bathing suit that's been floating around my room for the last month.

"You see, the thing about the present is that it makes you excited for the future."

"Yeah."

psalm 63

2008-09-09T21:45:00.001-04:00

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

2008-09-01T20:16:00.000-04:00

gulp.

Viva la Vida

2008-08-01T21:09:00.008-04:00

don't forget about the beauty.

2008-07-21T22:19:00.003-04:00

I ask for strength with every intention of being weak.
I ask for joy with every intention of wallowing in self-pity.
I ask for energy with every intention of being tired.
I ask for love with no intention of treating you any different.
I ask for peace with every intention of working myself up in anger.
I ask for forgiveness with no intention of really accepting it.

and the annoying part is, You always give it to me.

I had a wonderful day today.

P.S. Amy is coming home TODAY!

2008-07-19T18:43:00.001-04:00

I don't want to be alone with my thoughts right now.

2008-07-12T21:04:00.005-04:00

Today I bought a book from the thrift store because I liked the pictures, and cared nothing about its subject. It was a good experience.

I was standing on my porch in my pajamas. I was standing in a puddle of water and feeling the moisture in the air and wondering about how skin is waterproof and how it would be such a disaster if it weren't.

I was standing on my porch watching rainbows, trying to bottle them up and pour them into a picture. It never works out the way I think it should, but that's probably alright.

Anyways, I was standing on the porch in my bare feet and watching the sun glow and the trees move. I took pictures of flowers. There is still something I do not like one bit about pictures of flowers but I'd like to find out why/

There's something about this picture that makes me want to fall in love with God again. I'm scared that that is the reason I hate looking at it.

Camp is tomorrow. I feel unprepared.

without you it's just a waste of time.

2008-07-07T17:10:00.003-04:00

Today I thanked God for the breeze that cooled my sticky face, but I didn't really mean it; that's just what I'm supposed to say.
I want to be able to thank God for the days that suck and not just be saying words.

It's neat that people can see you at your very worst, but still like you. When I am talking to an old friend and we can fill up a conversation with remember-when's, that is neat, too. But it's also different/neat/disturbing that you can meet someone new and tell them everything you've never told those people who have known you the longest.

It's scary when people can see right through you and it's worse when people can't see anything at all.

for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure You're worth everything

welcome to summer, and things

2008-07-05T12:14:00.005-04:00

It was time for a picture. I miss pictures.

(by the way, I need a camp name. any suggestions?)

2008-06-30T21:04:00.001-04:00

Just now I was driving home and it was beautiful. There was the sun and the trees and every where I looked I saw a picture.
But lately, all this beauty is just making me feel convicted.
and all this conviction is just making me feel guilty.
and out of this guilt, nothing really happens.

2008-06-15T21:40:00.002-04:00

I don't want to say I love you when I don't mean it anymore.
I also want so badly to mean it.
what if I can't?

2008-06-14T18:31:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, God reminded me to stop getting used to him, and start getting scared of him.

2008-06-09T20:50:00.003-04:00

...and the color you painted the sky yesterday, thank you for that. Thank you for the way it glowed from the trees and the clouds and all of our faces. Thank you for the bright blue and the soft blue and the green and gold and burnt patches of sky. Every night when I am sleeping, you paint the sky like it has never been and you keep it covered. Every morning you hope that I'll be surprised and delighted at the painting you made, but I just grumble at the coffee maker. Sometimes I notice a little bit; I notice the color in the very corner or the line of a cloud. I never notice it all, I never comprehend that much beauty. Sometimes I am angry because I don't have the capacity. Sometimes I'm bitter because you made me this way. Other times I'm scared.

Life hurts most of the time; I am broken and so are you. But there's these moments of brilliance packed in so tight. They almost don't fit unless you hold your breath and stop moving around so much. Once I had an English teacher who said "Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't start a sentence with the word "But." There has been many powerful sentences that began with that word."

Whenever I am driving and I see a Corvette, or some other stupidly expensive car, I get an urge to rear-end them. That is not really a rant against stupidly expensive cars, it is really just the truth.

There's a toad on the driveway. Right where I walk to get to the car. It is dead. Sometimes when I walk by it I think about how when I was 5 I would have buried it and marked it with a stone. I would have conducted a funeral service for it and sang snatches of some song under my breath; under my breath so that no one would hear and laugh at me for caring about a toad. As it is, I just walk by it every day. I never even named it. This morning, I think I drove over it.

I started growing up, but I didn't really mean to.

short little posts don't require much energy

2008-06-06T22:44:00.001-04:00

hellooooo sock tan = helloooo summer

2008-06-04T22:30:00.001-04:00

John Wayne Gacy Jr., you're still my favorite song.

2008-06-02T20:28:00.002-04:00

wow. I had forgotten how much work work is.
It's still light out, but I think I will go to bed now.

2008-05-30T11:18:00.001-04:00

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.

2008-05-28T21:53:00.002-04:00

Lately, I've learned some stuff

1. Hanging out with your Oma, playing scrabble and "fixing" her computer, is really great. When one has at least two siblings and way more cousins, one rarely gets the opportunity to hang out with their Oma one-on-one. I've always hated saying "one-on-one." It sounds like an interrogation. I couldn't think of a better phrase, though.

Either way, hanging out with your Oma is fun. It is also fun to solve simple problems on computers (that you have been able to solve since you were nine) and get a big hug and a kiss on the cheek in return.

2. It's possible to get STYLIN' steel toes. Cheapest ones too.

3. Tomorow and Friday are my very last days ever of being home schooled. I'm feeling incredibly nostalgic. I think I will take full advantage of them and spend them doing school whilst lying in the grass and turning my skin brown.

Never mind, there are things I've really learned, but I can't seem to put them in words.

i<3u, btw

2008-05-26T11:38:00.001-04:00

you know, not all words need to be shortened.

2008-05-21T20:03:00.003-04:00

I do enjoy my backyard.

2008-05-20T10:53:00.001-04:00

most easily distracted person. ever.

2008-05-15T16:18:00.003-04:00

just dandy.

2008-05-13T13:15:00.004-04:00

If I ever become a real photographer of sorts, I will make a pact with myself never to take pictures of flowers.

2008-05-10T10:57:00.002-04:00

"brilliant" is one of my favorite words. I like the way it tastes and what it describes.

2008-05-08T22:51:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry if I have put you on hold.
stop and catch your breath.

here we go again

rainy monday coffee

2008-04-28T21:28:00.002-04:00

that's all I have to say.

2008-04-23T22:05:00.004-04:00

seeing yourself through someone else's eyes hurts a lot. learning is worth the pain, right?
I'm not sure exactly when I became too selfish to notice that actions have consequences and that I have the power to hurt people.

I'm sorry, I really am.

The other day I wrote myself a list of things to get done. I always write myself lists, I rarely complete them. There is a notebook beside my bed full of lists that I've never crossed things off of. Every day it sits there waiting on me to use it for something more useful. But that's not the point. The point is I found a list that I had written. On the bottom of the list it said

"7. Stop being the Devil's toy."

Sometimes I write things on my lists and I sit back and think on how wonderfully brilliant I can be. But I never follow through.

I don't want to be the Devil's toy.

----

Once I got to use a ridiculous nice camera for an hour. It was a good hour, and I took some pictures

------

and i'm tripping all clumsy in love with You.

2008-04-22T18:47:00.003-04:00

Goodbye, dearest Amy. I love you even if we are horrible at taking pictures together.
I am kinda going miss you.

------------------------------

Also, I love Katie. I like eating bread, cheese chocolate milk and apples for dinner with Katie. Sitting in the car with the windows open and eating breadsticks with her is good, even if we have to talk about crappy stuff; at least we can still laugh at the people driving by. She's beautiful in about 17 different ways. At least.

The end, for now.

2008-04-21T09:42:00.002-04:00

good morning, sunshine, it's good to see you.

2008-04-20T22:28:00.001-04:00

oh dear...

2008-04-15T16:04:00.003-04:00

Last night I watched the sun go down and discovered things in a different light (literally)
I stepped in mud puddles and almost fell into a pond.
I can't really believe that I get to live here.

Every day I get to watch people's face move, and the wrinkles around their eyes. I get to listen to them talk and hear them laugh.
I get to live here.

How incredible is that?

great attention to detail.

2008-04-10T22:33:00.003-04:00

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.

(psalm 116:5-7)

2008-04-04T15:35:00.001-04:00

people who have known me my whole life still don't know how to spell my name.

2008-04-02T22:44:00.001-04:00

one time i was standing in line at the grocery store, and a man cut in front of me, but he didn't notice. i didn't say anything. when he did notice me he said he was oh so sorry and insisted that i go in front of him. i said thank you and he told me i had a nice smile.

it wasn't weird or creepy, and i remembered that there are kind people in the world.

i like driving on country roads at night. another pair of headlights comes towards me closer and closer and i turn my highbeams off. i like watching the other pair of highbeams turn off as they come closer, and i am reminded that there is a real person breathing behind those headlights, and a real heart pumping blood in that person.

2008-04-01T21:37:00.003-04:00

When you build a city near no mountains and no ocean, you get materialism and traditional religion. People have too much time and lack inspiration.
-Don Miller

because Your love is better than life

2008-03-25T16:29:00.006-04:00

I wonder if you watched a green banana for a week without blinking, if you could see the exact moment it turned yellow. maybe you would forget not to blink, and by the time your eyes were open again, it would all be different.

I am the dirty snow on the side of the highway. Grace like brand new snow, all white and soft, perfect and quiet, new and brilliant.

these are our fashion faces

2008-03-23T21:04:00.004-04:00

(click to enlarge, and see our fashionable faces)

for a second I saw you so clearly, for a moment I knew you so dearly

2008-03-17T19:49:00.008-04:00

I was going to write captions on all of those pictures, but I didn't feel like it. Some of them might need explaining. How about you just ask me to explain and then we can have a conversation?

I was going to write a post about Kentucky and what I learned there, but I am still learning, so what would be the point? How about you just ask me, and we can have a conversation?

I am the Lord's, You are the Lord's.

2008-03-05T21:05:00.003-05:00

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Is being remarkable lame a sin? Does grace cover the stupid things I do and the clumsy things I say?
What if I cannot say something worthwhile in the way I'd like to? What if I spend my life making things look pretty and cool?
What if God's grace does not give me what I want? (I realize this is awful of me to ask.)
What if I am taking beauty and ripping it apart, tearing at something God cares about?

The devil doesn't just make me sin. He makes me clumsy, awkward and lame.

Today I went for a walk. A long walk. I walked in the woods and found tiny vines that curled around a branch. I found a bright yellow sign sticking out of untouched snow. I found alot of beautiful things. I took some pictures, but I'm not sure what that means.

to distract from what's really on my mind.

2008-02-25T20:16:00.003-05:00

i'm having a bit of an obsession with the veins in the eye, and the crazy directions they go in.
sorry if this picture grosses you out, but would you just look at those two veins?
wow.

adventures teach you stuff.

2008-02-19T21:26:00.004-05:00

1. I have really nice friends. like, really nice friends. friends who will scrape the ice off your car while you sit in it and friends who will buy you coffee (and...everything else) when you "forgot" your wallet. friends who give you crayons and mints. I should be alot nicer to my nice friends. because well, they are awesome. I take them for granted.

2. whenever I leave the house with not-very-warm shoes and there is alot of snow outside, my mom tells me that it is stupid of me. she says if we get in an accident my feet will freeze, and I need to be prepared. this makes sense. also, don't leave the house without wearing pants. what I mean by this is, don't wear shorts in the middle of the winter, and if you do, just bring some pants. you never know what could happen. always be prepared. (i am still laughing)

3. I think that once people see you in the morning after snowboarding, when you didn't sleep much, haven't showered yet and haven't had coffee yet, and they still like you, that means that they are your real friends.

4. coffee is life, or a large part of it.

5. don't grab strangers around the waist. or actually, do so that your friends can remember it and laugh really hard.

6. communal strawberry-rhubarb pie on the kitchen floor is the best kind.

7. ninety-nine cent toothbrushes from A&P are the best kind, and who knew being stranded could be so fun?

8. I have really nice friends.

it is.

2008-02-10T22:41:00.001-05:00

4 good things, for no good reason.

2008-02-08T15:35:00.000-05:00

1. It's Friday. Friday means that tomorrow is Saturday, and after Saturday there is Sunday. Joy!

2. A couple minutes ago I was walking around thinking "I feel incredibly lame and boring right now." So I turned up some music and danced around my kitchen like a fool (being home alone has its benefits.) After that, I still felt a little lame and boring, so I went outside in my socks and built a tiny snowman on the deck.

3. re-loving music, or remembering loving music, or finding old music that i love. or jack johnson

4. blowing bubbles in your chocolate milk.

i think i'm going to go build another snowman

just for you, kyle.

2008-02-06T17:19:00.000-05:00

an inexpressible and GLORIOUS joy, but sometimes it's quiet.

2008-02-04T10:52:00.001-05:00

i like these people.
i spend a surprising amount of my life driving places with keith (spelled it right)
yep, life is cool.

_______

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an INEXPRESSIBLE and GLORIOUS joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (!)
1 Peter 1:8&9
________

loving with actions is exhausting, i think maybe that why it's such a big deal.

_________

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled

2008-01-31T21:36:00.001-05:00

to my dear crazy/wonderful/beautiful/ hilarious/smart/incredible friend/cousin/best-friend-ever KIRA,

happy 17th birthday! i love you more than i could pretty much ever say. thanks for being my friend, for being hilarious, for being lame with me and laughing real hard on your couch with me.

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with JOY"

-philippians 1: 3&4

Love, brittni

2008-01-30T21:18:00.000-05:00

i want to be a wackjob.

i'm thankful for my brother, who talks with a crazy, rambling passion that makes his cheeks go red.
and i want to be insane.

2008-01-22T10:28:00.000-05:00

i think that my entire body hurts. my arms hurt and my legs hurt, and it kind of hurts when i breathe. my head doesn't hurt, my heart doesn't hurt. in fact, my heart and my head feel the complete opposite of pain, i think.

thanks, God.

some days I don't feel like going home.

2008-01-15T22:47:00.001-05:00

God is still faithful, his grace is still real, and his love is still forever. Just like always.

but somehow it's new every single second.

look what I found!

2008-01-10T16:19:00.001-05:00

i'm a nerd

2008-01-09T14:00:00.001-05:00

due to recent happenings, i needed to re-fallinlove with my camera.
so i read the manual till 12:30 last night.

mission accomplished.

2008-01-08T22:14:00.000-05:00

i think all dental hygienists curl their eyelashes. they probably know that people like me will notice. my face hurts. my dentist is a very nice man, i would like him much better if he was not a dentist, but i do like him. my very first getting-lost-while-driving. very first lots-of-traffic-on-the-highway. very first pink-floyd-singing-driving-adventure. most things aren't an adventure, but you can make them one. i like that. there are alot of reasons why.

that night i couldn't sleep. i laid on my bed and listened to the same song over and over. "you are my center when i spin away" i laid flat on my back, put my hands on my chest and felt myself breathing. i heard my heart beating and the funny noises that my stomach was making. i heard the wind outside and the furnace downstairs. i could hear trees creaking, and i could hear my imagination. i could hear it all at once. i don't know what that means, i wouldn't mind if it didn't mean a thing.

that's all, i'm ok with pointless if you are.

wuthering heights

2008-01-07T14:29:00.000-05:00

i don't recommend reading this book all in one day. deliciously, fascinatingly depressing.
but ryan was wrong; it's good. so good i had to take pictures.

daniel 9

2008-01-07T11:42:00.000-05:00

"O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with all who love him and obey his commands, we have sinned and done wrong. We have been wicked and have rebelled; we have turned away from your commands and laws. We have not listened to your servants the prophets, who spoke in your name to our kings, our princes and our fathers, and to all the people of the land.

"Lord, you are righteous, but this day we are covered with shame—the men of Judah and people of Jerusalem and all Israel, both near and far, in all the countries where you have scattered us because of our unfaithfulness to you. O LORD, we and our kings, our princes and our fathers are covered with shame because we have sinned against you. The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him; we have not obeyed the LORD our God or kept the laws he gave us through his servants the prophets. All Israel has transgressed your law and turned away, refusing to obey you.
"Therefore the curses and sworn judgments written in the Law of Moses, the servant of God, have been poured out on us, because we have sinned against you. You have fulfilled the words spoken against us and against our rulers by bringing upon us great disaster. Under the whole heaven nothing has ever been done like what has been done to Jerusalem. Just as it is written in the Law of Moses, all this disaster has come upon us, yet we have not sought the favor of the LORD our God by turning from our sins and giving attention to your truth. The LORD did not hesitate to bring the disaster upon us, for the LORD our God is righteous in everything he does; yet we have not obeyed him.

"Now, O Lord our God, who brought your people out of Egypt with a mighty hand and who made for yourself a name that endures to this day, we have sinned, we have done wrong. O Lord, in keeping with all your righteous acts, turn away your anger and your wrath from Jerusalem, your city, your holy hill. Our sins and the iniquities of our fathers have made Jerusalem and your people an object of scorn to all those around us.

"Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake, O Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary. Give ear, O God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. O Lord, listen! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, hear and act! For your sake, O my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear your Name."

winter is pretty. happy new year.

2008-01-02T14:54:00.001-05:00

2007-12-31T07:26:00.001-05:00

you know what's sad?
getting up early to go to camp for new year's eve and then not going to camp for new year's eve, because your eye is all swollen and painful.
and then going back to bed, and not being able to sleep.

that's my negativity for today, i should probably delete this post later.

we are collapsed in the act of just being here.

2007-12-18T18:20:00.000-05:00

It's not thanksgiving, but I sure am thankful. Strangely enough, Christmas is feeling more like thanksgiving than thanksgiving did. I don't remember what I did on thanksgiving, I think I was with people that I love. I didn't thank anyone for that.

I'm thankful for this moment, for the sound of typing keys and listening to songs by stars that i've never heard before. "all the beating drums, celebration guns, the thunder and the laughter, the last thing they remember..." I'm thankful for clementines, and for christmas oranges too. I'm thankful for excitement and grace; that my mom has had the same hairspray for as long as I can remember and that I can remember that smell exactly.

I'm thankful for being able to knit for people. Did you know that knitting for people is an incredible experience? It is incredible, because the whole time I am knitting for someone, I think about that person, and what colors they like, and if they would mind if I knitted where when I should have purled. Most of the people I knit for would not mind if I knitted once when I should have purled. I am thankful for that. I'm thankful for colorful yarn, and the stuff that is just grey and brown too.

I'm thankful for my nalgene bottle, and the song "calendar girl" by stars, because it is very pretty. I'm thankful for my camera, and that sometimes I can take pictures that are kind of cool.

I'm thankful that my cd player changes volume randomly and crackles, I really am.

In other news, I'm going snowboarding on friday. To celebrate, I made myself a hat.
Now all I need to know is whether or not I should put a pom-pom on the top of said hat. What do you think?

I don't think this hat is quite as lop-sided as it looks in the picture.

Dear DING:

I capitalized all my "I"s just for you.

Love, Brittni

I keep coming back and adding more to this post.

Dear Everyone:

I love you, alot.

Love, Brittni

2007-12-15T21:12:00.001-05:00

saturday nights at home smell good, like baking bread and cleaning products.

for the sake of a post?

2007-12-12T13:27:00.000-05:00

my dog danced with me, but really she only wanted a cookie.
she growled at me when i tried to take a picture.

going to sleep with her breathing beside me, cold window at the back of my neck, and sufjan singing "holy" across the room. that's quite beautiful.

i enjoy words, and putting them in order.

conclusion of the day, or of life

2007-11-28T13:23:00.001-05:00

i need to stop being such a jerk.

today's going to be my dancing day

2007-11-25T22:28:00.000-05:00

sometimes He's asking me to do something that doesn't make sense and sometimes what He wants is not what i want and does not feel right. no wait, i think that's all the time. why did i never realize how hard this could be?

but why am i so afraid?

when i'm down there and my knee is wet from kneeling, and my hands are freezing from cold. i'm wet from rain, and cold from wind, and maybe i feel like crying. but things like this make me feel better.

this week is going to be a good week. it is.

maybe some fragments

2007-11-09T12:14:00.001-05:00

time moves too fast, and too slow all at the same time. there is a certain quality of light in the air outside the window that i'm loving a whole lot right now. it's dark in here, but it's beautiful.
it snowed yesterday, i'm not sure i was ready, but it was beautiful too.

"and indeed,' he continued, 'the poem is a good example. For the most splendid line becomes fully splendid only by means of all the lines after it; if you went back to it you would find it less splendid than you thought. you would kill it. I mean in a a good poem." (hyoi, out of the silent planet, c.s lewis)

no, i guess time is perfect.

oh, what fun

2007-11-04T21:47:00.000-05:00

well, it seems i got myself a incredible new camera. to celebrate, i took a whole bunch of pictures of things that i really like, such as tea, and red mailboxes, and um, my brother i guess.

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God

2007-10-21T21:41:00.000-04:00

tonight i went to the streetlights evening service. God always teaches me a whole lot when i go there.

there is this woman, i don't know her very well, i wish i did. she is in a wheelchair, and has cerebral palsy. she's the kind of person that, when you look at her, your eyebrows tilt out the side, and your eyes go big and you just want to cry, because of how much pain her life has had in it.

tonight the pastor talked about heaven, and how flipping awesome it is going to be (not his exact words.) he asked everyone, "what's something you're really excited about heaven for?"

one guy said "to bow down at Jesus' feet, and thank him for dying on the cross."

one lady said "to not have any more disabilities"

and this woman, the one in the wheelchair with cerebral palsy said "to look Him in the face and thank him personally for giving me such a wonderful life."

after that i looked at her and couldn't help noticing how incredibly beautiful she is.

God is good. Faith is very, very cool.

2007-10-14T21:42:00.000-04:00

So i guess i could write about some stuff that's happening in my life, but instead i'm going to post this, because this makes me happy, and i like happiness. sorry that it's sideways.

2007-09-26T21:34:00.000-04:00

sometimes i do not feel like overflowing with thankfulness
sometimes doing the right thing is just "oh, just shut up and go away, you stupid stupid Devil."

i think i am all backwards, and inside out.

2007-09-24T20:40:00.000-04:00

color excites me a whole lot

i think the cold makes our eyes bluer

2007-09-17T20:29:00.001-04:00

So, i just really feel like posting pictures right now.

darrell! oh, and me

i got a picture of rachie, HA

"is there anything in my teeth?"

Dear Kieth/Keith:

I love you.

Love, Brittni

jo and i

Me, the Enviroment Queen, and Lia, my Enviroment Princess

hello, we have blue eyes

Keith and I ( i spelled it right)

2007-09-04T22:02:00.000-04:00

i like when i can run really hard and then just collapse and feel my heart beating and beating. if i lie still enough my whole body will shake, and i'll be completely sure that i am alive. maybe it's obvious, but being absolutely certain that you are alive is a very good feeling.

--------------

here is where i say "hoky dina, summer is over already."

hoky dina, summer is over already. i think i learned alot. i think i made some really amazing unexpected friends. i think this has been an amazing summer, in more ways than one.
i think also that this has been a really bad summer, but only in a couple ways.
trusting God actually works, who would have thought? i wouldn't have, but i got told.

"You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"
(Job 2:10)